Hygge Home and Healing
Care with Maggie

Overcoming and making peace with 12 years of Bulimia

If I remember correctly, the experience I had with an “eating disorder” lasted for about eleven or twelve years. I recall hopelessly making up my mind that I'd stop counting after hitting the ten year mark of being in and out of the dark "tunnel." Though, I will say it has been eight rewarding years since I sat outside of the tunnel with a deep rooted anxiety, fearing I'd inch right back into the familiar and exhausting darkness again.  

​I have never shared this story publicly before (as with many other stories in these sometimes overwhelming yet grand chapters of life). However, I have grown to become more confident and less ashamed to share this story. I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that I do not want this experience to get too far away from me to be able to share and help others who are dealing with similar struggles in their lives. It is my wish that I can give hope and assistance to those who need a helping hand out of this tunnel as well.

I mean, if it wasn’t for those who gave me the same help, big or small, whether they knew it or not, I wouldn’t have understood how much more meaning beyond this wall of bulimia there was for me to explore and appreciate in my life. That was one of the biggest motivations for me to not only keep pushing forward every day, but want to return this gift, amazing wisdom and strength to those who are walking just right behind me on this path.

During the time spent in the tunnel, I honestly forgot what it meant to “love myself.” I did not even understand how I could’ve ever moved away from that critical act in the first place. I remember a time when I was in high school, I watched an MTV’s documentary on eating disorders. I was so astonished at how people can put their bodies through so such pain and damage. Long before that, when I was in elementary school (one of the highlights of my life, by the way! Lol.), I remember signing the D.A.R.E contract, strongly declaring with my whole heart that I would never kill my brain cells with drugs and alcohol. That goes to show me how easy it is to make a complete turn and build poor habits without even being aware of it. Yet, the amazing piece is that we can also make relentless effort and have the power to consciously decide and commit to change in all the ways we dream of, too!

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